Hi there, I’m Nikali. I’m a single parent to my four-year-old daughter, living in Canada. I’m working a day job while trying to devote more time to writing. I’ve also spent the past few years trying to build community around me in the face of loss.

The word “community” often conjures images of friends and family standing together, hand in hand, supporting one another through thick and thin. Yet, for many of us, that sense of belonging has become elusive, leaving us feeling isolated and burned out.

We work too much, either because we believe that's what we need to do to be successful, or just because jobs have become scarcer and the necessities of life costlier. We have children, or our friends do, and our friendships buckle under the strain. Our kids get sick too often, or we do, and we get worn down. We move for love, for work or adventure – and then need to swallow the pain of living far from those who love us. Some of us are estranged from our families, which leaves a wound whether or not it was your choice. Breakups and divorces lead to the loss of our partners, and along with them extended family and friend circles. Others lose relationships through mental health struggles, or addiction. As we get older, death takes more of our relations away from us.

Our society promotes the idea that our families should meet all our needs for connection – but often, for different reasons, they don’t. We may want to spend more time with others – but then our partners get surly about it. Pangs of loneliness can arise even when we are surrounded by others, especially if we don't feel truly seen or heard by them. There are so many ways we can find ourselves unexpectedly feeling alone, particularly as we grow older.

It wasn’t always this way. Before 1800, the English word for loneliness did not exist. Today, loneliness is being called the leprosy of the 21^st century – a disease that calls to mind something ugly and shameful. We don’t want to admit we feel alone – it might lead others to think that there’s something wrong with us. It’s easier to get lost in the blue light of an infinite scroll or binge watch a series than it is to sit with the uncomfortable feelings or talk about them with someone.

After my parents both died of cancer within a year of one another in my mid-30s, I quickly found myself feeling out of step with those around me. Most of my friends my age still had their parents to anchor them—to check in on birthdays, celebrate holidays together, maintain ties to extended family, and eventually step into the role of doting grandparents. I was facing a reality that most people don’t confront until much later in life. Even when my mother passed away at 64, her own mother was still alive.

When I separated from my husband in 2023, the feelings of loneliness only grew. Who would be my emergency contact? Who would be there for me when I needed help? I felt like I needed to rethink how I was approaching my relationships.

I launched this Substack – the Modern Village – to document my journey creating community as a single parent without close family in an urban setting. I am learning as I go, and I don’t have all the answers. I still feel the prickle of loneliness more often than I’d like to. But I’ve decided to share what I’ve learned so far with all of you, so that we can walk the path toward meaningful connection together.